can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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