Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
How does one acquire holy water?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
