YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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