Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
