I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
