She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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