we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
