Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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