Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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