I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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