I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
