I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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