My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I DEMAND FORESKIN
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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