God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
