On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
