thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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