He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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