i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
