So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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