Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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