We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Randomize
