"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
