Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
