Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Screwed.edu
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
