I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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