Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
