it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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