I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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