If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
