she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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