I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
