I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize