What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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