everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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