Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
