Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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