I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
