dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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