people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
