took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
