She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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