Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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