census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Send help, water and tortillas.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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