I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
