can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
