Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
ok first of all what the fuck
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
