Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
