Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
