you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
