It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
