I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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