yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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