I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize