I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he quoted the bible to break up with me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
