Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
