A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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