He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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