Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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