i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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