just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
