I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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