Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
