You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
