Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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