he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
