Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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