i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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