If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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