she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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