so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
