I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize