Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
