So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
