Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
