I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize