I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
