she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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