I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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