I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
