K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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