Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize