so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
